Adding to your family is a big decision for a lot of couples. For those of you who are making the jump from 1 to 2, or 2 to 3, or even to higher numbers of children in your family; an important aspect of this change is how your current child(ren) will respond. I will primarily focus on the jump from one child to two, and the integration of your most ‘recent baby’ with your ‘newer baby’. I find a few things to be helpful in bringing that new baby on board.
When you are first expecting it can be such an exciting time sharing the news and starting to get excited for a new baby, be aware how your child processes time. 9 months can seem short to you but for a young child it can be an eternity of asking “is my new baby here yet?” If you or your partner is birthing this baby when the baby bump begins to show, it can be a nice time to begin slowly gearing up for ‘big sister’ or ‘big brother’ books and videos.
When you have your baby, in the hospital maybe people suggest giving a gift from the new baby. I personally have another direction I like to go. I think that giving a gift from the baby gives your older child unrealistic expectations. I do like to go with giving your child a baby doll. When your child either comes to visit in the hospital I like to have the baby doll waiting. Even in the bassinet waiting alongside your newborn!
This also leads us into another tip. When your now older child comes to visit or meet the baby, greet them without holding the newborn. Still maintaining focus on them versus the new baby to remove the potential for jealousy. I like to make this rule for any visitors or guests coming to your home in the first few weeks as well. When people come to visit and meet the new baby, they need to be told explicitly to greet the older child(ren) and let THEM introduce their new sibling.
Playing into the magical thinking of small children can give you some more opportunities to make your older child(ren) feel special and like they have your attention and focus too. I like to tell a sleeping newborn (within earshot of the older sibling) “It’s time for me to play with Eden now, you had your turn”. Or something similar. Let your older child overhear you praising them to their sibling, “Aurora is such a nice girl, you are going to love playing with her when you grow a little bit!”.
Wherever your child can help you take care and share in joyful newborn milestones, let them! This can be an exciting time for everyone in the house.
Mingo's Nest Doula 